The end of the year always makes me reflective, much like everyone else I think. I'm letting it happen but not overindulging it. I'm also working on looking forward but not putting too many resolutions on my new year. I have many hopes and thoughts and goals and they'll all come about via baby steps. 

So here's to baby steps and looking forward and looking back and just being here in the moment. Happy end of 2018. XO

It's winding down to a quiet end of the year for me, especially compared to the hustle of several months ago. I expect that December will continue to be calm and everything will roar to a start in January of 2019 so I'm relishing these last bits of quiet.

And of course I'm writing this post and realizing that it's the first Sunday of December and that means it's a prompt week for Sinful Sunday. True to form, I've not checked in on that prompt at all and I'm completely unprepared. It's far too late to do something about that now and as Molly points out, this prompt is hard to do with a camera phone tho I would have enjoyed trying.

The monthly Sunday prompts are a really fascinating way to push photography skills and I think I'll make it a 2019 resolution to follow all of them. My camera skills could use a work out and I'm sure they would only improve from the exercises Molly creates, much like my writing skills benefitted from the smut marathon. 

But despite my absent careless ways, Molly published her list of top 100 sex blogs of 2018 this week and I'm on it! I can hardly believe it. I'm in the extraordinary company of so many incredible writers and photographers, several of whom were in the final round of the smut marathon this week! Go read their stories and check out their blogs and marvel, as I always do, at the breadth and richness of human sexuality.

I wish everyone a glorious December and I hope you all find ways to celebrate the end of 2018.
​XO

Is this funny cuz it's true? I think so.

Happy Sunday everyone XO

The Sinful Sunday prompt is "transmogrify," and since I'm still in the throes of #witchyNovember, of course I went for something creepy. 

Photo manipulation is very difficult for me. I'm much better with the initial poses and lighting and framing than I am with any after effects. However, I liked how this turned out, even though it wasn't what I intended initially, I actually took this picture awhile ago but I much prefer it in this very filtered form. I like the way my face is mostly blacked out and the flooring looks like a padded room. 

I don't often follow the Sinful Sunday photo prompts, mostly because I'm terrible at planning ahead. But the few times that I have I've found it a fascinating photographic exercise, which, of course, is the intent. So, thanks for the prompt, Molly!

And happy Sunday everyone. Xo

It's been a busy crazy week with lots of work on this new project and a pretty tight deadline. Somehow we'll make it but by this point in the process I never know how.

It's also the semi-finals for the Smut Marathon, run by the Lovely Rebel. Somehow I'm still in the running, which is remarkable. I've gone through past phases of writing erotica but it's not something I do on the regular so it's been a really interesting experiment this year. I congratulate the Lovely Rebel on coming up with fascinating writer-ly challenges that have really pushed me. She's coaxed some fantastic writing out of bloggers I don't regularly follow so I've also enjoyed finding new writers to lurk around. And there are some great pieces in this new round so go check it out and vote for your favorites!

In the midst of that, I'm in a new city for a little bit and I have today off. I'll spend most of it watching a show my friends are involved in and then maybe take a little time to just hang out with myself and not think about anything important, 

I hope all of you are taking some time for yourselves today. XOX

If we carry someone's heart in our heart, will we be more careful? Both with their heart and with our own? I would hope so. 

I've spent my last week reminding myself to practice patience and generosity. And doing only moderately well. I had two groups of dear generous friends descend upon me to celebrate my birthday but hardly anyone made plans besides just showing up. And mine is not a city where we can just walk into restaurants or bars (or clubs or theatre or anywhere) without reservations. Not the good ones at least. So I spent quite a bit of time making plans for eveyone, something that stresses me out only slightly as I try to take everyone's desires into consideration and I really want everyone to have a good time and but that's never guaranteed. 

However, my housing in the city was gifted to me by a different friend who lent me his condo for the week. He required nothing from me except that I enjoy it, he told me to make a set of keys so I'd have them for "the next time"  and he even showed me snaps of his security camera feed and said "Do not have sex here! Have sex anywhere else in the condo but not in this part of this room or you will be on camera!" I laughed about that but I took his advice. No sex against that door. Promise. 

I'm going into my 47th year reminding myself to hold my infuriating madcap amazing friends in my heart. To carry their hearts as I want them to carry mine. With love and generosity. 

Tough advice, right? It's hard to move lightly when I feel deeply but sometimes the pieces are delicate, pieces of my heart or someone else's. Or perhaps the situation is precarious.

I'm in a perpetually precarious spot currently, learning to hover lightly over my life and not get fussed when I can't see too far ahead. Currently I have plans through November and after that my life is a mystery. My career is changing, which is good; and even though it means starting over in certain regards I'm actually excited about it. I'll take the severe pay cuts and knowing I'll make a lot of mistakes in order to learn something new. 

Also, I started this photo project right before I turned 46 and I'm about to turn 47.  That's another strange and precarious position, to have a birthday and look forward to another year while looking back on this one. But it's fall in the northern hemisphere and that's my favorite time of year so it sweetens the prospect of getting older and feeling conflicted about it.. 

Finally, I like the way the windows in this picture make me think of a film strip. An outtake of my present day.

I hope all of you in the blogosphere are doing something sweet for yourselves today. XOX

I'm in that weird in between space where I haven't worked for a couple weeks but I'm also not settled into a routine in any one place.

​Being in one place for any length of time isn't my forte in the best of times but I have so many agendas to fulfill in the next couple of weeks that I feel a bit scattered. I'm trying to find the balance between all the work and travel I've scheduled over the next couple months and all the other projects (like this one) that I'd like to pay some attention to. 

Additionally, I've spent this past week with my family, all of whom are delightful but demanding, and I have a trip to Asia starting tomorrow. So yeah... I'm carpe-ing all the diems like crazy..  

Is it weird that I'll post a picture of my pussy but not my face? 

I used to not post my face for concerns of anonymity. But I find those concerns concern me less every day, frankly. I'm proud of these pieces I'm making and if someone were to link them to me in real life, I'd hope I could be proud then too.
 
However, I've discovered that pictures including my face, my eyes, especially, pull focus from the words or thoughts in this close-up text-centric thing I'm doing. And not just my face, I feel that photos with faces are ultimately mostly about the face because it's the most expressive part of the body.

I think the graphic quality of a body without a face attached lends itself to contemplation of form and shape and words. Artistic meditation maybe, sensual meditation probably, but either way more general and less specific, less personal but also more expansive. It allows the audience to get involved and project a bit. To wonder and think and not just to know.

It becomes about more than just me and my body. Or at least that's my intent. 

Since I control the camera, there are definitely times when I think I look better with my clothes off. 

I wonder if I would feel the same if someone else was taking these pictures? Would they see me the way that I want to be seen? Would something different be revealed in me through their lens?

I've had friends suggest that I expand this project to include other people. It's hard to imagine. It's so very different to pose for someone else, in the same way that I'd have to completely retrack my mind to see someone else's body the way I'm trying to see my own.

But it would be an interesting experiment...

I don't really have time today to explore this subject. But I'll get back to it. 

Also is anyone bothered by the way the written text on my arm isn't duplicated in my arm reflection? I can't tell if I like that or not.