Cum to Thailand part 2 - the first part of this story is here.

When I planned this trip to Thailand, I made a short list of things to do. I wrote the list down and now I can’t find it but one of the things at the top of the list was a ping pong show. 

A ping pong show is a live sex show where girls do “tricks.” SE Asia everywhere but Thailand specifically is known for sex tourism, which was one of the draws for Jack and I and our planned love affair. Like us, tourists come to SE Asia to see sex shows and get prostitutes that will service ANY clientèle. The Thai are very service oriented in all ways and the answer is never “no” but always “how much?”

The specifics of sex tourism always involve human trafficking, which is not something I thought about then. Not really. I was uneducated about sex work at that point in my life and I was overwhelmed by the fundamentally selfish nature of both this trip and our love affair. I only considered our activities from my own point of view. That’s actually a general tourist problem and not one specific to sex tourism. Tourists are consumers. By nature they take from a country and don’t give back and when it comes to sex tourism, this equation gets infinitely more complicated.

I now a lot more now than I did then.

I’ve told this story so many times in so many ways that it’s tempting to rewrite history from my perspective now. I’m trying not to do that here. I’ve decided to leave this story as I wrote it during the experience, understanding that my lack of education made me unknowingly complicit in one of the world’s worst crimes.There’s a huge legal case in the US right now about this very subject and to those men on trial and to my younger self, I can only say this: ignorance is not a defense or an excuse. 

Fortunately, this Thailand trip taught me better, as you’ll see. But I had to learn the hard way.  This story was the beginning.

I finally watched Homecoming on Netflix and was (again) filled with awe at Beyonce's work ethic, vision and discipline. Combine that with the battle of Winterfell last night and it's been a very good weekend for bad ass ladies!

Ms Violet has been running a meme called Lingerie Is for Everyone and I've been wanting to participate so today feels like a good day for that. Click on the badge below and go admire the rest of the lacy silky deliciousness on display.

Happy Monday everyone!

I follow so many remarkable writers and photographers and I don't shout them out nearly as often as I should. So, here's a little list of entries that caught my attention this week:

​1. Heather Cole's Vagina Antics - Nothing Was Supposed to Happen - Heather's story about a unexpected meet-up at a play party and that fiery sexy instantaneous chemistry you can have with a stranger was unspeakably hot hot hot hot! I follow Heather on her blog and on Instagram and she tops my list of people I 'know" virtually that I would love to know in real life as well. Plus she's a fantastic writer and her stories, well, *fans self*... I'll let you go read them for yourselves.

2. Mx Nillin's 30 Day Orgasm Fun, Part 5: Endgame - I discovered Mx Nillin during the February Photo Fest and fell in love with their honesty, vulnerability and lewd, funny, sexy writing and pictures. I've loved reading their journey through the 30 day orgasm challenge created by Tabitha Rayne for the month of April and in this Endgame entry, Mx Nillin writes beautifully about spending the day with their partner Fal exploring sensual non-sex pleasures and then posts the most adorable picture of them in the bath. Experiences that are both affectionate and sexual are my favorites.

3. Ms Violet Fawkes has a spectacular new meme called Lingerie Is for Everyone. Her entry Burned in Blue not only quotes one of my most favorite poets but also features a wistful delicate picture of her softness enclosed in blue lace. I'm a little biased since I have that same bra in burgundy but I particularly love the contrast of her red nails and her dreamy skin. The words and the picture go perfectly together. 

4. Speaking of Lingerie Is for Everyone, I've not been able to get Joe's picture out of my mind since I first saw it a couple weeks ago. The combination of strength and delicacy is captivating. I'm not usually one for pictures of men in women's panties but this picture has stayed with me and I love it. 

5. Lovely Missy over at Focused and Filthy had an incredible #sinfulsunday entry for last week, the one she calls Birthday Present. She has such a talent for photos that are startlingly focused in their subject matter and intent. Her eye for close-ups and clarity of detail is unparalleled and I take a lot of inspiration from her photographs. Troll through her photo archives and you'll see what I mean. 

This is just a taste of all the juicy deliciousness out there this week! And there's so much more that I didn't cover so I challenge my readers to go check out someone new and give them love and support by way of a comment or a tweet! 

Happy Saturday.  XO

And you best not forget it... ;)

Go check out Hy's page and all the glorious boobs for BoobDay! Happy Friday everyone.

I've been wanting to write more in this space and also participate in some of the weekly blogger memes. When I saw the "Risk" prompt over at Brigit Delaney's Erotic Journal Challenge, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to start sharing this particular story. I mention a few men who are peripheral to the story and if you need to know who they are, you can find a cheat sheet here.

I planned my trip to Thailand by myself. I had never traveled alone internationally and solo travel seemed terrifying but I wanted to see the world and I was tired of waiting for my friend’s schedules to align with mine. I also felt like it was an important step to conquer my fear, travel by myself and survive. Emphasis on the surviving...

But despite my solo plans, I wasn't opposed to other people joining me for this trip if they could make it happen. I told my lover, Daredevil, about the trip and he said he was definitely interested. Since he'd actually met me in Alaska and we'd had a really nice week, I figured I had a good chance of him following thru. But as time went on he wanted more from me than I was willing to give him and he was unhappy. I think it pissed him off that we weren't in the same place with our relationship but he didn't want to stop seeing me either. 

I saw him in April and things were ok but by the time I finished that weekend, I was ready to be done. He mentioned that he was still interested in Thailand and I said “ok” and left it at that. We didn’t talk much in the next few months. I felt like I’d been pretty clear that I wasn’t in a space for a long term steady monogamous anything and he was fine with that initially but then he wasn’t. Instead of having that conversation directly, he got passive aggressive and I got more distant and unreachable. I should have been more direct with him about our relationship and the trip but I wasn't sure what to say except that I didn’t want to be with him anymore and I didn't want him to go with me.  Instead of saying that, I just left the country... which is also pretty direct.

In June, I talked to a different former lover of mine, Austin 31,  and mentioned Thailand and he said  “I've always wanted to go to Thailand!” and I said, “You should! Come to Thailand...!!!” And this time I meant “Please cum to Thailand!” I thought he would be a great traveling companion, he's hot and the sex is amazing and I knew that if things went south he’d just take off and do his own thing rather than stick around and make me miserable. Plus I liked him and enjoyed his company. Between those two guys, he was the one that I most hoped would actually make it. 

But then... I met a guy. Or rather, I reencountered a guy.

Jack was someone I'd known for a long time. I'd dated his brother and his sister was one of my best friends so I was all up this family's business. At that point Jack’s and my paths hadn't crossed much though. I'd mostly heard about him through his family members and had met him only a couple of times. 

However, he joined Myspace and friend requested me around January and then emailed me and we talked on and off for a few months, nothing flirty just sort of talking about this and that. Then there was a long lull and one day in June I opened my email one day to see this message:

I know we are not close like this...But if you were here I would stick my tongue so far up your ass...

That’s a fucking bold statement to come out of the blue but he caught me at just the right exact moment and so I responded:

If you were here I might let you...
 
And it was on.

Things got hot and heavy quickly by email and IM. I was bored and not working and had plenty of time to enjoy the flirting. He had separated from his wife for reasons he declined to get into but it was clear that he was bored and lonely, deployed in the sandbox of the Middle East and we were both looking for something new and fun.

I remembered that he’d lived in Thailand so I told him I was going and asked for advice. He responded “I should just meet you there. I speak Thai and could really show you Thailand, the Thailand you wouldn't see otherwise...” That seemed like an amazing offer. I told him I would love to see him in Thailand. And so began the back and forth.

He didn't think he could actually go because of his deployment. He gave it a 20% chance at the beginning of June, but then his deployment plans changed and all of sudden we were up to an 80% chance at the end of the month. By the end of June, Jack started asking if I was actually serious about wanting him to come to Thailand and I told him I was. The opportunity to see the country with someone who knows it couldn't be passed up.

However, Austin31 was still trying to work it out as well. 

When I considered that I might have two men meeting me in Thailand, I actually thought I could juggle them so their paths wouldn't cross. In retrospect that’s completely absurd, obviously, but then it ceased to be a problem because Austin31 told me he couldn't make it. Money was the main problem and no matter how he finagled it, he couldn't make it couldn’t happen. This time I was relieved because I knew that juggling Austin31 and Jack was likely to end in some kind of disaster. 

Jack and I began to make serious plans and the longer we talked, the more things changed. In the course of a month, the trip to Thailand moved from sexy easy breezy fun and games to an epic love affair where we actually made plans to fall passionately, hopelessly, impossibly in love in Thailand. We knew it would be impossible for so many reasons but we decided to deal with the after effects later. To not let the fact that there would be consequences stop us from taking this big risk. 

Jack can be quoted as saying “I want to be so wrecked that I cry in the airport when I leave you... ”

If you’re asking yourself how in the world that escalated so fast, I would point you to IM and video chat and the ability to create a little online fantasy world inhabited by only two people who talk to each other for hours every day but whose real lives never actually intersect. He was the first person I talked to in the morning when I got up and he was finishing work and he was the last person I talked to at night when he was just getting to work in his morning on the other side of the world. We talked while he was at work and he even jerked off on camera behind his work desk when the office was deserted.  

The connection was about sex but we both craved something more. I wanted a chance to fall in love. I feared that the wreckage from my breakup with the Blacksmith had killed my ability to be close to someone. That I was walled up in a ivory tower, playing around with guys but never letting anyone get close enough to hurt me. The way I had abandoned the Daredevil haunted me a bit. I felt terrible about it but I still didn’t want to talk to him. 

IMing with Jack was the first time I understood how easy it can be to say things to a screen instead of a person. I could tell him how wrecked I was and how scared I was of getting close to someone and getting hurt again. He could tell me how deeply he regretted the way his marriage had ended, full of duplicity and cheating and lies. We both wanted a new start. 

He said  “I want to take this chance to do and say things with you, someone I really like. If you don't like what or who I am at the end of all this then at least once in my life I can say I really put it out there in way that was real.”

Jack knew he’d made mistakes. He spoke of atonement. He wanted to move on. He wanted what we all want but are afraid to ask for, to confess our sins and have someone love us for them and in spite of them. 

I found myself in the rare unexpected position of being able to really be there for him. To give him a chance to be himself, and in the process open myself up to possibility. He was very perceptive about my closed heart and said things like:

“Be mine for 2 weeks. Be my soulmate. Let me kiss you where the light never reaches and embrace the things about you that you thought were gone or you thought you did not need”

It’s a very odd thing to plan a love affair. But it’s a very great thing to be honest and truthful and ask for what you want. And then of course when we weren’t talking about love and light and broken hearts, we were planning all the taboo, insane, sexy, illicit things we could think of and get away with on this vacation. Thailand was the perfect playground for this kind of sacred and profane behavior and we wanted to cut the leash, go off the grid and see how far we could go.

The ultimate consequence of this madness was anyone's guess.

I just got my Smut Marathon reminder that I only have 3 days before my my Round 4 assignment is due. I have yet to read the Round 4 prompt or even start writing, I'll save that for tomorrow, but it seemed like the right time to post my Round 3 entry.  

Round 3 wasn't an elimination round, which is probably just as well because it's one of the hardest assignments in this competition. Last year when we got this same assignment we were further into the competition and had a higher word count option, which definitely made it easier but it wasn't any more fun.

Additionally, this year's assignment was even more stringent than last year's. This year we were asked to write an erotic/sexy conversation between two people where the dialogue took no less than 75% of the 180-200 word count. Because the Lovely Rebel is a rockstar, she gave us some logistical help and said that a 180 word piece would have 135 dialogue words and a 200 word piece would have 150. 

Ya'll, this assignment is two things:
#1: a very small word count in which to establish a story of any kind
#2: 4000% more difficult than average because only 45-50 words can set the place, character and tone without being spoken as exposition 

Sigh.

So, here's what I wrote:

Snap Shot
“What do u like” 
“I like complete words and punctuation.” 
His text bubble bobs on my screen. 
“Good to know what your mind likes but I’m more interested in what your pussy likes.” 
“Oooh well, my mind and my pussy both like precise communication. Especially the dirty kind…” 
“Precise and dirty? Intriguing.”
“You think you’re up for that?” 
“I’m up for a lot of things. Say, for instance, I asked you to stand up and take off your panties. You would…?”
“I’d do it.” 
“And put your panties in your mouth.” 
I stand and strip off my panties. “Ok.”  
“Put. Them. In. Your mouth.”
How can he know?? I shove the white cotton in my mouth. 
“Good girl. How do you taste?”
“Salty, sweet… a little slippery.”
"Mmmm... Why don’t you let me be the judge of that. Bend over the bed... spread your legs.”
My fingers find my swollen clit. 
“Naughty girl. I didn’t tell you to touch yourself.”
I spit the panties out. “Where are you? How can you see me??”
“Put those panties back in your mouth, turn over and look out your window.”
A flash of light.
Then darkness.

..................

I'm not much into analyzing my own work after the fact, especially since I was mostly pleased to have finished the assignment at all, and my piece again registered in about the middle of the pack, which was probably fair. But what I felt, and some other people commented, was that it was grueling to read all the entries and I didn't find many that stood out. There was a lot of "sameness" going on and some people even commented that they got tired of reading so many phone and text conversations. 

That's a fair complaint but given the difficulty of just following the rules of this assignment, I simply agreed with those complaints but didn't take them personally. It was a hard assignment and I salute all 63 of us for getting through it.  

Next week we'll see the entries from round 4 and I encourage all my readers to read and vote!

Meanwhile happy monday :) 

Happy Easter everyone.

​xo

Dinner plans?
Mary gaped at Come-N-Save’s hothouse cucumbers, still sheathed in thin plastic (seamed for her pleasure): it had been too long since she had a proper salad.
With a firm cucumber nestled in her basket, she wandered the produce aisles gently squeezing plump round tomatoes and flicking wet droplets off a long hard carrot with a curved tip that suddenly looked very familiar. Mary’s cheeks flushed. She gasped as she plunged an experimental finger into a ruffled head of lettuce, lightly pressing on the tight small bud at the core, and made a decision. Sucking the moisture off her finger, she left damp marks on her phone as she texted “You should come over tonight.” She smiled. Now to find the perfect creamy dressing. 

I wrote this for the second round of last year's smut marathon. The first line was the prompt, written by Su Orwell in the first round, and the assignment was 100 word microfiction to finish the story. Even within the challenge of the word constraints, I enjoyed my own personal challenge of writing something erotic without a single bit of sex in it. However, this entry was one of the ones I liked more than any other voters did. But I still like it. Plus now it has a picture to go with it. :)

Happy Sunday everyone. 

​I am the blue-lidded daughter of Sunset; I am the naked brilliance of the voluptuous night-sky. 
― Aleister Crowley